DAY TO DAY

Confession:  I'm  not out to win the "mother of the year" award, but I love my kids... and I would do anything for them!  I have always been torn as a working mom...   struggling with concerns about if I was giving them everything they needed.  Are the material gifts I can provide by working more important than the time they miss with me? I have been blessed to have my mom as a nanny for my children, and later an amazing learning center just down the road which became like family (shout out to KKLC) I feel very lucky to have had such amazing resources.  Does it alleviate my "mom guilt"?  ...ummmm no, but does it make it easier to swallow.  I am secretly envious of (and to be honest... slightly irritated by) stay-at-home moms....   but if we are keepin' it real,  I don't think I could do it. For a long time, I felt that I was doing everything those stay-at-home mom's were doing (sometimes more) in about 60 less hours per week, between my day job and my business.   I love my kids but somedays I wanted to run screaming out of my own damn house and not come back until the kids were grown  (I'm sure some are appalled I would even say that but.. its the truth and I think other mom's have been there even if they aren't willing to admit it).   It's HARD people,   hard.... or maybe i am just weak, but my theory is that if you don't think it's hard, you're probably not doing it right (whatever that is).  I used to be caught up in the  apprearance of perfection.  I would design award winning, over-the-top  halloween costumes.  I would throw extravagant birthday parties with handmade inviations and creative homemade cakes, oh and the little details were always to die for if I do say so myself.   My kids had professionally designed photo valentines on shimmery cardstock, and if there were any type of competition involving creativity,  I was going to WIN or at least get an honorable mention!!!  As the roller-coaster we call life began to accelerate... things naturally fell by the wayside.  First it was store bought cakes, next I was walking with my head down into The Party Tree looking for bleeding zombie costumes, and then you know I hit my all time low when I showed up to DG on Feb 13th, looking for boxed valentines..  trying to convince myself that store bought halloween costumes and valentines are a rite of passage that every child should experience.  And you know what...THEY DIDN'T CARE!  That was me, not them.  Sometimes letting it go is liberating.  It's the hugs and " I love you mama" sentiments that keep me going everyday.    I believe my kids want for nothing, have good manners, a strong work ethic, and most importantly they are kind, respectful, and loving....  are they perfect?  Hell NO.... neither am I (and neither are you).  I'm an 'OKAY' mom, far from perfect (in fact I believe there is no such thing) so I am okay with being OKAY ;)